You should’ve been a better mom.

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Water your thoughts with love❤️

Gosh, isn’t it fcked up how we beat ourselves up as moms / women or even accept others to do so and we just water those negative seeds in our hearts & minds?

I remember driving my first born to college for the first time. Oh my goodness- on the way there, we had the best time. Stopping on bridges to take pictures, laughing, me holding back tears trying to let him enjoy his moment in time.

When we got into the unfamiliar town, we drove right in the middle of a tornado storm! Sirens were going off, branches were blowing, trees were snapping & being uprooted! We found a bank and pulled underneath the awning as if that was going to offer any protection. I hadn’t made reservations for a hotel because I figured, I’d just find something while driving thru there because that’s part of the adventure. Well, it was a small town in Missouri; Lexington Missouri. There were no hotels. 😳 We ended up driving like 30 min to the next town for a hotel. I don’t recall if he was upset or if he just accepted the fact that this is how I roll and it’s a part of the adventures of life. ✌🏼

The next morning, the inevitable happens, I have to take this young man who has seen all my faces in life; the good, the bad, the ugly, and just leave him. Just like that. There wasn’t a lot of time for goodbyes so this was the picture I got and it says it all.

But if only pictures could tell the full story. I walked away after this smooch and hug. I got into my car and started driving. No music. No phone. Just thoughts. I drove. Not even sure how I made it home. My thoughts were racing through my mind. I Balled. The ugly cry, nose sniffling kind of balling. 😭 and I MADE myself continue to cry. I MADE myself suffer in my thoughts. I MADE sure that I watered the negative thoughts flowing thru my mind.

Was I a good enough mom?
Why didn’t you just read him those bedtime stories EVERYTIME he asked?
Why did you WORK so much?
You should’ve spent more TIME with him.
You should’ve made sure you were at EVERY SINGLE PRACTICE & GAME.
You should’ve POURED every bit of what you had left into him instead of ever thinking about a social life.
You should’ve disciplined him differently, less impatience and more love.
You should’ve hugged him more.
You should’ve taken him on more mom/son date nights.
You should’ve never dated anyone until after the boys were grown and out of the house to allow more attention & focus on ONLY them.
You should’ve gone on more vacations.
You should’ve made sure you ate dinner together EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.
You should’ve made sure he ate EVERY SINGLE MEAL and that he never had to fend for himself.
You should not have ever made him watch his brothers.
You should’ve made sure you sat down with him to do his homework- EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.
You should’ve been a better mom.

I can go on and on watering those thoughts or better yet, maybe he or any outside influencer can do it for me. I was not, am not perfect. I’m not the perfect mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend, employee or Christian. I know that and that’s my first step.

Today, I’m going to choose to meditate and water the right seeds. I thank God for filling my mind with thoughts of love and faith, thoughts of hope and thoughts of victory because that’s the reality of my future.

I wish for anyone reading this to challenge themselves to #ThinkBetterLiveBetter. ❤️#JoelOsteen #barefoothustle

Sent from my iPhone

2 Replies to “You should’ve been a better mom.”

  1. Beautiful and as a single mom I totally relate… I have my own story with my son obviously, however sometimes, more often gen not, I water the negative seeds instead of the positive ones. I will join you on watering the good thoughts.

    Liked by 1 person

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